Today I'm going to get on my soap box for just a little bit. I've recently taken the plunge into the time suck that is Pinterest. Much like the whole of the Interwebz there is much that is good and some that isn't so great to be found there. While spelunking through various pins I came across a list of 10 Things Not to Say to Your Kids. It is advice like this that used to make me feel like a complete failure as a mother. I guess this list was better than some because it didn't use the word NEVER, and some of the advice is worthwhile. However I think that lists like these do not take into account the reality that is the every day life of a frazzled, desperate, tired, or exhausted mother.
So I'm going to take a little of a advice given and give you my take on it. The view from a mother that lives with four kids fairly close in age and who once had all four in diapers at the same time. Once who believes that her job includes not only helping create and motivate productive members of society, but also kids who grow up with a healthy dose of respect, honesty, and understanding that you don't always get what you want in life.
1. No (Fill in the blank) - The basic advice here is that kids hear "no" enough and that you should always turn a negative into a positive so "No running" turns into"Please walk." Good advice but not entirely realistic. At my house I've said "no" to lots of things I never thought I'd hear come out of my mouth (ie no climbing in the oven, no hitting your brother with your scriptures, and no running naked through the hallways). I totally believe in raising my kids with as much positivity as possible but the world they will grow up in also has a whole lot of no in it. The rules at the playground are posted as NO, not as please do this. I want my kids to learn from an early age there are certain things that are unacceptable always. These are the things that get a firm NO out of my mouth. I don't think this inherently damages my kids. Believing you can never say no without damaging the kids was damaging to my ability to parent. Expecially since my kids take anything accompanied with "please" as a suggestion and anything accompanied with "no" as a household rule.
2. Don't Argue with Me - I realize that it is a normal part of the development for children to question things. But in our house (and later in life) there are certain situations where arguing with your authority figure is not acceptable. I want my kids to know that your parent, teacher, neighbors, and other adults deserve respect just because they are grown ups. We address them in a certain way and yes we don't argue with adults as a way to show respect. When we are discussing options for dinner, what movie to watch, or what bedtime story to read, everyone is allowed to express their opinions. But when I say it's time for bed, to leave the park,or to stop fighting with each other the discussion is over. Obedience and respect are expected.
3. We are (whatever the child doesn't want to do that moment), okay? - This one again has some good info in the explanation, but as I've explained in previously, I'm going to tell my kids no and I also expect that they know what Mom says goes. I try to give the kids a warning for things that are upcoming, ie "Two more slides and we are going to go, okay?" Or "Ten more minutes on the Wii and it's bedtime, okay?" This gives them the chance to acknowledge they have time to finish what they are doing and still be obedient when asked.
The gist of my soapbox is this, every family is different. I've never found blanket lists of things I shouldn't do to be all that helpful, because my family dynamic is most likely different that the author's. I know myself and what I can and can't handle. I know my kids and what types of things they respond too. I hope that as I dish out advice here, you can take what you like and leave what you don't. And you never ever feel like my way is right and your way is wrong.
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