I've been thinking a lot about what motivates me to do things. I've been trying to figure out if I'm doing things for the right reasons. And if there are things I can stop doing in order to simplify and make everyone's life a little easier.
Last year during birthday season* we had our usual craziness plus a baptism and a few stressful Relief Society activities to plan/execute/promote/etc. Several times during November & December I found myself very close to tears from the stress of getting everything done. More than once during those times I looked in the mirror, took a deep breath, and told myself to fall apart later. There just wasn't time for it right now. It wasn't simple and I wasn't able to enjoy the celebrating.
After it was over I knew I couldn't spend another year with that many things on my plate. I needed to simplify in a big way, but I didn't want my kids to miss out either. I can handle stressful situations. I do better when I'm busy. But there comes a point when enough is sometimes too much. But how do you decide how much is too much? If the activities aren't too much for each child, but mom is losing hair getting everyone where they need to be, is it okay to say no? Is my motivation to enrich the kids' lives or to impress the neighbors?
Sometimes, for small things I think it is okay to do things so that neighbors (or complete strangers) know you love your kids/don't judge you at Wal-Mart. For me they include making sure everyone's hair is combed and their clothes look sort of matchy and mostly clean. I've often said to one of my girls before we leave the house, "Go comb your hair, so that people will know that your mom loves you." There are days I just don't want the fight of clothes and hair and shoes that fit. It is that fear of judgement that keeps me pushing on to help the kids look presentable.
Sometimes I think it is okay to have your kids in activities that help them develop skills. I used to have a rule that you got one activity per year. That worked out quite well until my oldest turned 8, so then you got one church activity (scouts/activity days) plus one other activity per year. Then last year the kids school started to offer extracurricular stuff and so were up to 1 school activity, and 1 church activity, and 1 other activity. The problem is that everyone was in different activities and with only 1 mom to drive/pickup it became a little hairy. Even with some carpool help I was feeling a little ragged by the end of the year.
Which leads us to where we ended up this year. Sometimes I think it is okay to say "no" in order to keep your own sanity. 3 of the 4 kids are currently doing an activity that they love. We are working on finding one for #4. My most responsible one is also taking piano lessons. The older 2 still go to scouts/activity days. But this year I said "no" to the extra stuff at school. Between everything we already had on the schedule, and homework, and other activities, I thought it was more important this year to have some breathing room then run around crazy.
Earlier in the year we also decided to have "summer parties" instead of birthday parties. The kids had a blast with their friends and now I don't have to fit in a party that friends can attend on top of family, work, church, school, Christmas/Thanksgiving/Halloween events. Instead we'll be doing a fun activity as a family to celebrate.
I don't think what works now will always work. But I'm hoping that my desire to simplify and be motivated for the right reasons will help us stay a little more sane this year.
*Birthday season is October to December. During those 3 months we have the birthdays of all 4 kids, 2 grandparents, and 1 aunt to celebrate. In addition to Halloween (and sewing/finding costumes), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It gets a little hectic at our house.
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